When my tummy
Is runny
I put in the Tums,
So burning poo-poo
Wont plop out of my buns.

----------------------------------------

When my chunkers are churning
My red face is burning. So
To prevent unwanted gas,
I bring Beano to class,
So maybe I can get some ass.

----------------------------------------

When my breath is a mess
And it scares all the ladies,
I wish my mouth didn't smell
Like Hades. So I pop in an Altoid
To make the stench go away.

----------------------------------------

I eat so many sweets
So my cholesterol is really high
Like kids smoking pot.
I need to bring it down, so I wont die,
So I take Lipitor like my doctor said to.

---------------------------------------

I like to go jogging
Even in winter
So where would I be without my jogging shoes
Made by Nike.
I love their comfortable shoes.

--------------------------------------

When I get all hot
Whether my g/f is or not,
I tell her to make sex with me
So that we can be
A very happy, healthy couple.