Untangible
He had been...
Secret admiring,
I did much of that
Because
I was
Too meek to make a move.
He had ice blue
Apathetic
Eyes...
While half-smiling
As if about to crack a sarcastic joke
He would
Run
His dirty hands
Through his gleaming golden hair
Nonchalantly
The hair I wished to comb gingerly...
Coldly
He would stare
Piercing straight through me
And I felt
As though an arrow had been shot into my heart...
Fiery
was his temperament...
He spoke
scurrilously
And sometimes he would mumble nonsense...
Yet still
I had this...
Infatuation
With him.
This seemingly malignant man
Was
Uniquely intriguing
What you saw was not him
That was...
Simply...His outer familiarity

I had such a craving
To be beneath him
And to have him
For my own personal desires
For him to touch
To caress
Me
To make me burn
Though...
Not just that...
To bring out a new wholeness in him
Was my wish
To find a good within
This rebel's frozen heart...
Unbearable
How it was
To have to wait
So long
But to never get to eat him
Him, his ripeness...
Unobvious I was
How I could have gotten him...*sigh*
This was no fairy tale.

The week after Christmas
People
Were soon
Surrounding
His casket
His car forever crushed
His body,
the man I longed for...ached for...
the one I never pursued...
Forever buried
Underneath mounds
Of undeserved dirt
In an underground box
And his soul...we all know...
Would be in Hell

With my never shown love,
I wonder,
Could I have saved him...