There once was a man named Pepper Jack
With two interesting nipples on his chest.
One was flaky and red, like the flake of
Dried red pepper. The other was flaky and blue
Like the flake of dried seasonings.
Pepper Jack was always afraid to make love
To a woman, because he was afraid of what
She would say when she saw his interesting
Nipples. So one day, while he was alone with a girl
Named Mauve, who he thought was strictly a
Platonic friend, she slapped him and chained him
To the bed, pulled out the whips and handcuffs
And ripped off his shirt, all while Pepper Jack
Screamed in horror! She saw his interesting nipples,
But she was not afraid. Mauve was a very brave woman
And Pepper Jack's nipples turned her on, for
She thought they were very, very interesting tats.
So she began to whip him, because she loved bondage.
And Pepper Jack cried, and Mauve kissed his interesting
Nipples. And she kissed them again, and again, and
Again, again, again, again, again. They tasted so good!
She bit off the red interesting nipple.
She bit off the blue interesting nipple.
She chewed up Pepper Jack until he lay
Dead on the bed, interestingly nippleless.
Mauve, unsure of what to do, chopped up Pepper
Jack's body into many little pieces
And fed them to cows across the world.
And that is the story of how Pepper Jack
Cheese came to be.